Ugh, today the nerves for finals started kicking in. We got the schedule for next semester, and of course I am alphabetically I am towards the end to register, so my schedule isn't going to be good. I started stressing out because there are classes I cannot take that I should take for the bar, and just general panic that the semester is coming to a close.
I think I've realized I'm ready to graduate, but not ready to do all the work that it will involve to get me there. Le Sigh.
Old Lady v. Young Lady illusion, thanks to google
(young lady's chin is old lady's nose for those who can't see both)
I have also been thinking about how I will be in my last year next year and that I am getting older. I have always been a younger person in my class, and am actually the youngest person in my law class. I also have a baby face and I have always wanted to look older or at least my age. I swear, when I put on a suit, I feel like a child playing dress up in her mother's clothes.
One would think getting married would make you feel older, but it really didn't for me. Cam and I have always been together so it wasn't that big a change besides that we are officially committed to each other. I always find myself wishing that I looked older and hence more professional, wishing that I was already done law school, wishing it was time for me to be a partner in a firm, wishing I was at the point have children, and even wishing I could be at retirement.
Recently, I was on campus and saw a girl with a Theta bag (my sorority). While I was walking up to say "Hi," I noticed that I did not know her and was struck at how young she looked. It was a very sad moment of realization that she probably looked her age, but that I was getting older. I've also noticed that when I flip through TV, I always subconsciously think the dads are hot, never their teenage son. It dawned on me--everyone else is looking younger is clearly a sign I am getting older.
Yep, I've realized that the one thing I wanted--getting older--is actually upon me. It is bittersweet in a way to get what you finally want, but I think I've realized I need to stop and enjoy the journey more. I don't want to look back and realize I am wishing my 20's away.
Therefore, I am vowing to:
- enjoy wear the clothes that I can pull of now but probably won't be able to when I am older (hello, short shorts, tank tops, and bikinis!)
- enjoy the fact that make-up is I can wear make up as a way to dress myself up--I don't need it every day to cover wrinkles, blotches, and lines.
- enjoy the time Cam and I have alone together, without children and the freedoms that brings
- enjoy more time with girl-friends before we are all bogged down with our own careers, husbands, and children
- do things that I enjoy: go to concerts, travel, eat good food, get outside for walks, and be spontaneous.
5 comments:
"I started stressing out because there are classes I cannot take that I should take for the bar, and just general panic that the semester is coming to a close. "
Meh, this is what BarBri is for. Seriously. I learned nada in my business organizations class (hmm, perhaps because I never went?) and the bar review covers all of that stuff really well. Take the classes you need to graduate, the ones you want because you would like to practice in that area, and the ones that interest you. Don't worry about the bar exam :)
I totally understand how you feel. I especially feel that way when I'm at an event (for instance, Commerce Lexington dinner). I feel so self-conscious, like everyone thinks, "who's the little girl?" I don't want to look old, so it is probably more of a confidence issue than anything.
I think one of the girls who lives across the street from me is a Theta.
I hope you really enjoy all the thing you are vowing for ;)
Enjoy every moment you have, all of those things will be waiting for you down the road and will be here before you know it. :) Ditto d.a.r.'s comment - I learned more in my 2 day BarBri session on Sales & Secured Transactions than I did in a semester long course. Trust me on this one - all you need to know for the Bar will be well-addressed in your BarBri course!
It's so hard to enjoy the right nows. Takes everything I have.
As an aside, I just found your blog today and really wish we were in the same town so we could go have a drink and talk about registration woes. I just found out that I can't take Sales (which is allegedly "critical" to bar passage) and had a mini meltdown about it. I immediately went online and bought shoes to feel better - and blame my law school entirely for my lack of financial responsibility. ;)
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